In for three, out for four
by Proudbooklover
Summary: Draco POV. 'If you're ever scared, don't show it. Just breathe. In for three, out for four.' Rated M just in case.


DISCLAIMER- I don't own any characters mentioned.

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As he stood and thought about what he was about to do, Draco had to admit something to himself- he was scared. Draco Malfoy was absolutely terrified. Despite his overriding sense of panic, his mother's voice floated to mind, bearing words of soothing wisdom.

'If you're ever scared, don't show it. Just breathe. In for three, out for four.'

_In for three,_

Draco smiled slightly. His mother had always been there for him, unlike his tyrant of a father. He remembered her fair hair that she used to tuck behind her ear when she was nervous; the way she would caress his cheek at night before he fell asleep; when she planted a kiss upon his forehead when he came home from school, regardless of his protests.

Her strong mindedness, her determination and her loyalty to all those who she held dear made him love her like he loved no other.

_Out for four._

Despite this, most of the wizarding world thought she was Death Eater scum, unfit to walk this earth. Well, they got their wish. Not long after the end of the war, Narcissa was attacked in the Malfoy home by a wizard seeking revenge. Draco was at school when it happened, and blamed himself every day because of it. If only he had stayed with her, like she begged him to, instead of going to Hogwarts to finish the year that remained.

The only one deserving of that fate was his father. Draco scowled, disgusted. His father. The one who had always thrived on breaking him down, shattering his self-confidence, threatening him with threats that Draco knew he would take pleasure in fulfilling.

He forced him to take on the Dark Mark, and Draco had succumbed when Lucius promised to hurt Narcissa if he didn't obey. Draco detested every second spent in the presence of the man who never loved him and constantly tore him apart, piece by piece.

_In for three,_

Draco stared down at the rushing water below him, and he sighed. There was something beautiful about the way the flowing river tumbled over the rocks, frothing and bubbling cheerfully. It sounded like the chattering of the tree fairies, light and happy.

At the moment it was a blue or pale grey colour, but the droplets that splashed off the rocks reflected the beautiful colours around him. Inhaling, Draco took in the scent of the trees that were stationed along the embankment of the river. Most of them supported blooming, pale pink blossoms which floated on top of the water, bobbing along without a destination.

The tree's green leaves dipped into the river from the bent branches, and the intensity of the green reminded him of something...

_Out for four._

Ah. Of course. Draco laughed bitterly, a laugh deprived of warmth and kindness and instead filled with depression and emptiness, reflecting his broken soul. The emerald green reminded him of Harry Potter's eyes. Those beautiful, innocent orbs that had witnessed too many horrific deads that were beyond their owner's years, just like Draco himself. Except that Harry fought through it and came out on top.

And Draco did not. Harry stood for what was 'right' and 'true', and had the courage to do so, even in the face of danger. And, Draco reckoned, that was why he had fallen head-over-heels for the Boy Wonder.

However, no one knew this, of course. He would be shunned and humiliated beyond what he could endure, especially because he knew that Harry had fallen completely in love with the Weasley girl.

_In for three,_

Draco contemplated his decision. He looked around and saw the life that prospered beside the river, and his eyes softened marginally when he saw a fawn approach the rushing water to drink. It's soft, brown coat was bespectacled with white and small antlers were just visible, jutting from it's head. Draco watched it for a moment. How easy would the life of a fawn be?

No wealth, no poor, no hypocrisy. No manipulation, no power-hungry beings, no politics.

No hurt.

_Out for four._

No hurt.

All his life had offered was hurt. Hurt, fear, anger, rejection. His father's face flashed before his eyes.

"You're an utter disappointment to the name of Malfoy. I am disgraced to have you as my son," Lucius spoke, his signature sneer set in place.

"I hate that I ever called you my best friend." This time it was Pansy. A sliver of Draco's heart broke off at her words. "You're a worthless piece of junk."

"Who could ever love you?" Harry stared down his nose at Draco, an expression of utmost disgust etched onto his features. Draco whimpered as a black hole seemed to engulf his heart. "You're foul and loathsome and a coward. Pathetic. Death Eater scum is all you are."

Lastly, his mother's face appeared. Draco gazed at her, desperately clinging to the thought that she, at least, would hold words of comfort. However, Narcissa sneered at him, not a trace of love in her harsh, cold eyes.

"You are no son of mine. You let me die, Draco. You weren't there when I needed you most, were you? You're useless and mean nothing in this world. I hate you." she spat, and Draco felt his heart shattering. Suddenly, all he could see were their faces, leering and staring at him with undiluted hatred and distaste.

"Death Eater! Coward! Worthless!" they all chanted, jeering at him. "Death Eater! Coward! Worthless! Death Eater! Coward! Worthless! Death Eater! Coward! WORTHLESS!" they screamed at him. Something deep inside Draco snapped. His head cleared and his beating heart became calm. Slowly, he stepped up onto the small edge of the bridge and looked on without seeing.

_In for three,_

"Come on, Draco," his mother coaxed gently. "You're so close. No more pain. No more hurt."

_Out for four._

And with his last rattling breath, he let himself pitch forward and fall. Down, down, down. The wind rushed by his ears and adrenaline shot through his veins. Suddenly, he hit and a sharp, intense pain followed, a pain like nothing he had ever experienced before.

It set his bones on fire and crushed his body, ripping through him swiftly and efficiently. The last thing he heard was the caw of a dove, as white and pure as the mother he had lost. And then- nothing.

No pain.

No hurt.

Simply... Peace.

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I was just inspired when I went for a walk by Devil's Bridge, in Kirkby Lonsdale. (It's beautiful there. If you haven't been, I recommend going.) Not really sure about this, but please let me know what you think anyway! Love you! (And if anyone got the Starship reference, you're totally awesome!)


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